I don’t regret anything…I just wish for a better outcome and a second chance.
This post is going to be hella vague and make no sense to anyone. So right now I’d like to simply say that it doesn’t apply to anyone, I promise you that if you’re reading this post the chances of it being about you are so slim they’re non-existent.
That being said…
I’m sorry that I upset you, and I’m sorry that you can accept that I’m sorry, but can’t give me a second chance over what is admittedly something that should be common sense..is also a very minor thing according to just about everyone I could ever talk to about this. Am I trying to mitigate what I did? No, but I am trying to remember that on the larger scale of everything…this is forgetting a lunch date as opposed to mass genocide.
I lost your respect, which hurts, the difference with which you treat me now as opposed to how you treated me two weeks ago is very different and is so marked that it is impossible to not notice. I miss what we were in the beginning. I miss what we were all the way up until the end of our friendship…I’ll always miss that.
I will never profess to having intelligence or knowledge that I don’t…I’m not clever enough to know what to do in order to win your respect back…much less your interest in being my friend. I can admit to feeling like I’ve lost something so ridiculously important that I don’t think I’ll remember how to breathe without it.
I need time…time to try and earn something back…and only you can give that to me. You’ll never see this, you’ll never know how I feel but that’s still okay because at the end of the day…I can’t change your mind, only you can. I can only do my best and hope that I don’t ruin everything by trying.
So I will miss you, because I don’t expect you to ever talk to me again…I will miss you and remember you and know that the short time I did spend with you was very important to me…and always will be. I will cherish every moment and do my best to remember all of the joy I gained from knowing you and forget how much I’ve cried…how much I’ve felt my heart break just from knowing you.
I told you once that I should have worn my safety helmet…and would do that from now on. You replied with an explanation as to why I should never wear one…I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can ever take that helmet off again…I ran with scissors when I met you…I jumped off of a tall building and didn’t bother wearing a parachute.
In a few days I’ll feel better…in a few weeks I’ll feel okay again…in a few months I might even forget how empty my life feels without you. In a year I might not even remember how much you meant to me…but then again, it took you less than a day to figure me out…so who knows, I may never find another friend like you.